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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Chuck Norris Facts (a superfluous, self-indulgent post)


Recently it was brought to my attention that the cult following of the action star Chuck Norris, has, in its exuberance, attributed powers and abilities far exceeding those of a mere mortal to their idol. They have devised their own creed of sorts, an incredible list of Chuck Norris Facts, that elevate Chuck Norris, his manly beard, and his martial arts bravado beyond the bounds of human reason. The Chuck Norris Facts credo has even gained enough notariety to be included at Wickipedia. Chuck Norris, an outspoken evangelical himself, has denied any attributes of the Divine and strongly affirmed there is but One Lord over heaven and earth.

Chuck Norris' Favorites
1. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
2. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
3. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
4. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
6. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
9. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
10. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
11. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
12. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
13. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
14. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
15. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
16. Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
17. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
18. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
19. Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
20. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.


Chuck Norris Tribute Music Video

Category: Extraneous & Miscellaneous

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